As Seth job hunts, we’ll occasionally predict potential job interview questions and appropriate responses…

BUT…

It’s a lot more fun to think of completely inappropriate responses. As a creative thinking exercise, come up with some inappropriate responses to common interview questions and leave your thoughts in the comments. WEEE! What fun! To start you off…I’ve included a few of my own below.

DISCLAIMER: I must insist that you never say the following during a job interview as it may hurt your chances for employment…

Interview question: “How do you work under pressure?”

“Whoa whoa whoa, back the truck up, Chief. The job description never said anything about working under pressure.”

Interview question: “Where do you see yourself five years from now?”

“Clean and sober for the past two years.”

“Oh…well I’ll only be working for ‘the man’ until my band gets signed.”

Interview question: “Tell me about yourself.”

“Had a job at XYZ, got mad at my jerk boss…yada yada yada…he made a full recovery and I just completed my court-ordered anger management. But I’m much more centered now.”

Interview question: “What is your proudest moment?”

“One time…I forded a river while having dysentery AND a snake bite…in the dead of winter! …but then lived to travel the entire Oregon Trail.”

“The day the paternity test proved to that gold digger that I wasn’t the father. Showed her!”

Interview question: "What is your salary requirement?"

“That you pay me under the table in cash.”

Interview question: “What is your biggest weakness?”

“My calves. Thinkin’ about implants. Then I’d be the total package.”

“Crystal meth.”

Interview question: “Why did you leave your last job?”

“Those Puritans with delicate sensibilities frowned upon my workplace porn addiction.”

“I had a major bathroom emergency…walked out the front door immediately afterwards. Now I can never return. True story.”