The Older I Get, The Better I Look... 


My profound apologies for the hiatus; I’ve been sleeping outside a theater for weeks so I could be first in line for the Twilight Movie.

It was totally worth it.

In the mean time, I turned the big 2-7. There’s no doubt that this is gonna be a rough one, and if I were a musician, I’d be shaking in my sparkly spandex jumpsuit.

Speaking of musicians…we saw a guy driving while playing the trumpet yesterday. No joke. No punch line. He was playing a trumpet whilst operating a vehicle. I couldn’t hear what exactly it was that he was playing, but maybe it’s part of some kind of modernized fox hunting…or perhaps it was just a subtle way to cover up the noises from his flatulence. You know…so his passengers wouldn’t catch on.


Maybe I’ll get myself a trumpet. Oooo! Or maybe a tambourine!

“Kerry…what’s that smell? And why do you keep playing ‘Last Train to Clarksville’ over and over again?”

(Insert segue here)

I’m 27. And it seems to me that last year went by quickly. Really quickly. Sometimes I think I get too caught up in the ordinary drudgeries of life to truly appreciate unique opportunities and experiences. Successfully washing 500 loads of laundry should never make it into your Christmas Letter as something you’ve accomplished in 2008.

Note to self: Edit Christmas Letter to disinclude laundry goings-on.

As a result, I’ve concocted a list of goals.

28 goals before I turn 28.

1. Buy a tambourine (see above).
2. Actually send out all of the cards that I purchase for people’s birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
3. Attend a bullfight.
4. Learn to ride a unicycle.
5. Enter a writing contest.
6. Wear a skirt to work once per month.
7. Complete the Cooper River Bridge Run in less than 58 minutes.
8. Bake a pie from scratch.
9. Bench press 90 pounds.
10. Order and EAT fried green tomatoes
11. and grits
12. and oysters (see below) from popular Charleston restaurants.
13. Finish my current art project…and start a new one.
14. Obtain membership in the 100 Beer Club.
15. Create a lamp from household objects.
16. Attempt to sell said lamp on eBay for no less than $300.
17. Finally finish reading Atlas Shrugged.
18. Jump out of a plane (not one parked at the gate)
19. Make someone laugh by telling a joke in a foreign language.
20. Attend one of the races in the Triple Crown.
21. Spend the night in a treehouse.
22. Attend a church of a religion different than my own.
23. Go fishing (I’ve never been…except for that time we went smelt fishing out by the Adler Planetarium…but didn’t catch any smelt. Is it still fishing if you don’t catch anything? Or is it just drinking beer near water?).
24. Memorize the first 12 digits of pi (I can only recite the first 7 with regularity).
25. Have people over for dinner and fold the napkins in the shape of swans.
26. Plaster cast a body part.
27. Successfully explain to someone what a pdf is. (I mean ‘probability density function’...if unsuccessful, I’ll settle for ‘portable document format’)
28. Attempt to document as many of these completions as I can (Video diaries will probably be lots of fun for #4 and #9 …but especially for #17. Hold on to your hats! Here’s a video of Kerry reading).

Wish an old lady some luck...I think some of these are gonna be tough (except #1, which I have no intention of doing).


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