Sweatin' to the Oldies...and everything else. 

Welcome back to the Kerry Show. When we last left our heroine, she was experimenting with live human taxidermy at the ballpark by stuffing herself.

Not much has changed, folks. The summer is here (even arrived two months early! What fun!), and I am acutely aware of my own body odor. People from the Midwest honestly have no idea what their natural odor is; they’re too busy nursing their Seasonal Affective Disorders to bother with paltry concerns like body smells. Rest assured, I’ve become intimately familiar with my own scent…it’s really an odiferous treat…slightly sour and ripe with a touch of homemade mustard gas. Most of the time, I fancy myself as a three-dimensional female version of Pig Pen, the character from the Peanuts Comics…with a visible cloud of smell orbiting around me.

People here tell me that it only gets worse. By August I’ll be wading to work through the densely humid air. I can’t help but feel like the grasshopper who played and fiddled away for months and never gave a thought to preparing for the arduous season ahead. It’s time to pay the piper. …with buckets of sweat.

Speaking of paying the piper…what a stupid idiom. Every piper I’ve ever known is a local crazy who stands on the street corner and collects spare change while blaring out dissonant scariness through a recorder.

Moving on,

Besides ignoring the piper and single-handedly violating The Clean-Air Act with my bodily emissions (I’ve had to trade for emissions credits just to remain within Federal standards)…what else have I been up to?

Nothing too exciting. Working for the man every night and day. But I never lost one minute of sleepin’, worrying ‘bout the way that things might have been.

Seth and I have become regular jocks and subsequently both joined softball and kickball teams. Seth has also formed a basketball team at work and I’m thinking about joining co-ed football. I have to tell you…the thought of running around in the summer heat for all of those sports is starting to lose its initial appeal. Oh…plus I’m still training for the marathon. Mmmmm, more eau de Kerry than you could shake a stick at.

But how can I possibly complain? My home has A/C…my car has A/C. What a change from a summer of only 3 years ago when I was so poor that I would turn on the A/C in 10 minute increments and stand in front to catch the breeze. Then I would motor myself to some awful thankless job in a car with no A/C.

I love me some icy machine-made coolness.


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