There’s an absolutely brilliant scene in the movie Magnolia where Julianne Moore says, “shut the **** up” to her attorney…no less than three dozen times. She does it with a wide variety of insane facial expressions, tones, and gestures.

Oscar worthy? Nah, leading women usually have to be dirty, crazy, and gain 30 pounds for the Oscar nod. So ummmm…yeah, probably not. She was only hitting on one of the three Oscar cylinders.

But is it a fun scene to reenact? You betcha!

On a trip home from Target, we took turns playing Julianne…each impression was more violently insane than the last.

Finally, we got home and unloaded some stuff from the car…

Kerry: “Seth, would you mind grabbing that cup out of there?”

Seth: “Shut the **** up!”

Kerry: “Now…you must really…shut the **** up!”

One of our kind neighbors happened to witness this little exchange (we had NO idea he was around) and was nice enough to hold the elevator until we arrived. I’ve gotta tell ya, there’s nothing quite like sharing 16 square feet with a complete stranger who thinks that he just witnessed your strangely insane verbal assault on your spouse.

The elevator has never moved so slowly. And the prophecy was fulfilled…we certainly did shut the **** up for all of those excruciating seconds riding up to the second floor.

If Mr. 4th floor Lexus owner is reading this right now…I’d like to say that I’m sorry for scaring you. We’re quite normal, happy, and playful people. …just a touch of Tourette’s from time to time.