Is Stranger Danger Pee-peeing in my potty? 

So...our house is on the market.

It is super duper creepy for people to walk around my house all day without my knowledge.

I don't know who these people are...they could be harboring the black plague or some shit. I don't want some unwashed, human disease vessel to be poking through my underwear drawer while I'm at work. If I get the bird flu or mad cow...you'll know why.

I've taken decent measures in order to tell where people are walking, and what drawers/doors they're opening. One of the most disturbing things is the number of times I've come home to see the toilet lid up and open.


Who are these people looking in my toilet?

What kind of foreign bodily fluid has befouled my porcelain throne?

The urine of a dignitary? a senator? one of those guys on "To Catch a Predator?"

Then again...if they buy the place, will I really care?

Kerry: "Oh...so you're planning on using my home to torture animals? Huh. How 'bout that. Good news! Your check cleared. Have at it, Hannibal."


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