Date: October 6, 2006
To: All Staff
From: The Boss (not Springsteen)
RE: Proper workplace conduct
It has come to my attention that certain members of our team have seen fit to partake in actions that I would consider 'inappropriate workplace behavior'. Whether you refer to it as 'digging for gold', 'emptying the cavern', 'Playing Christopher Columbus' or any other modern day idiom, you are conducting yourself in a non-professional manner and need to immediately cease and desist!
This is NOT a request. I have asked our training manager to develop and deliver a new office-wide training initiative on booger-born pathogens. This is serious business and violators will be disciplined as such.
As always, thank you for your cooperation and please keep an extra tissue available should you need to 'discreetly shovel'.
Have a nice afternoon.