Rot in hell, pumpkin... 

So my pumpkin, La Gioconda a la Kerry, didn't win first prize at the pumpkin carving contest at work (yeah, we actually had a pumpkin carving contest). And while I did place...it still wasn't first prize. But it really isn't about the money. The fame and admiration from my co-workers for having the most beautifully carved pumpkin is worth far more than an extra $20 to me anyways. Sigh. I just wanted some respect. First place respect. When am I going to get another opportunity like that? I had the chance to be a legend...

"We once had a girl who worked here...long long time ago...we called her 'Kerry: Carver of Gourds'. People trembled in her wake. She could do things with a miniature pumpkin saw that would make you shit your pants with awe."

There have been questions as to whether the photo of La Gioconda a la Kerry (she likes to be called by her full name) in the post below is actually of the one I carved, or if it was a picture of one I found on the internet...

Well, yes, that is my pumpkin, but I have a hard time proving it. I took a picture of me with my loser, but it doesn't look very nice because in order to see me, I had to use the flash, and you can't see the pumpkin displayed correctly. So you'll just have to take my word for it. What do you care anyways? La Gioconda a la Kerry is a loser.

Update: let the rot begin...I went out to my porch to blow out her candle and found AT LEAST 40 slugs crawling in her crevices. Uggggghhhh, gross. I wondered why no one else had pumpkins on their porches. At least I can be satisfied in knowing La Gioconda a la Kerry is delicious.


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