I'm nothing if not merciful 

Carving a pumpkin.

Step 1. Make the pumpkin feel comfortable. Wipe her down. Set her on a nice bed of newspaper. Make her feel at ease. Remember, she doesn't know what horrible fate belies her.

Step 2. Distract the pumpkin. This can be done in a variety of ways. I suggest, "Hey, look over there!" or "Check out the gourd on that guy!"

Step 3. Unleash the fury!!!!! STAB STAB STAB!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!

Note: I recognize that that picture is particularly disturbing. I also understand that if, for whatever reason, I end up on Nancy Grace some day...she'll crop out the
pumpkin. A risk I'm willing to take.

I think my pumpkin would be happy with what she's become. Sorry I had to be so rough with you, sweetheart.


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